DAY 47: 18 days to go: INJURED AND TRAINING. I'm an idiot.

I feel exactly how she does. She is confused: "Is it because the moon is far away or is it actually smaller then elephants?". 
Read on.

When 3 doctors say: "rest it out for a minimum of 5 days", what does it mean?

Does it mean: "you can train lightly" or "ah, if you feel a bit better train very heavy"? NO! It means fucking sit down, rest, do something else, DO NOT train...

Do you think I listened?

... I mean look at this blog. All this writing and research, plus the training, running, dieting and etcetera has happened because, I'm obviously taking this "a bit" seriously. I mean can you imagine me just SITTING IT OUT!? I could't stay on the couch, in front of the TV, reading... taking my mind off the fact that I still have 20 days to pull off a crazy feat. I think I'm still far FAR away from my goal, and I simply can't handle hindering the process AGAIN. I barely have time to pull it off. I mean BARELY. I have only 14 days to drop as much fat as possible, because I need to carb up the last 4 days.

So here's what happened: Day 46, I took Shoulders Triceps a bit to the extreme. 35kg shoulder presses - don't forget I haven't trained for 2 years so I only managed to pull off 6 reps per set. 20kg Arnold presses, Rear delt seated flyes, Pulley flyes. PERFECT. "Sonne" kept on playing on and on. FULL BLAST on my ipod. Kept on going with Triceps and only worked with the total gym: pulley training, different angles, different grips to work all the 3 heads of the triceps. Every thing went well, however, at the end of the training, something weird happened. Sudden PAIN in my left chest again. I call it weird and sudden but I did ask for it. You think that's idiotic? Wait, it gets worse. So I just took my meds and put on some cream for it to calm down. It kinda did after a few hours. 

THE NEXT DAY. I feel better. A small tingly sensation in my chest all day, which is supposed to be a warning for me to sit it out, but I don't. Come training time, I just decide to it. Fady, a friend of mine comes over. I figured "it's Back and Biceps, this training doesn't involve the chest anyways, all I need to do is work with perfect form and things will be fine". Long story short, bicep training comes along and it only took ONE cheat rep (a bit of jerking the weight) and "SNAP!" my chest makes some weird sound and my left arm just spasms once. Now what would a normal, sane, balanced person do? STOP TRAINING. What did I do? I just figured I needed a couple of more reps to finish off, might as well do them. Didn't really feel a thing till the end of the workout, when my muscles cooled down a bit. Intense pain came back. I couldn't lift my arm, I couldn't inhale. I couldn't move. I ASKED FOR IT. And I'm not learning. And I can't even concieve HOW I didn't stop myself and simply kept on going with the pain FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT! 

You know what's funny? I feel a split personality here: I'm capitalizing words while writing because of how pissed I am. It's as if I'm yelling at myself. But at the same time, it's as if another voice in me is answering back: "so what? I need to do this. I need to get there". I feel schizophrenic.

I took painkillers yesterday. I was numb at the end of the day. And what I can't believe is that there's still a voice in my head not even thinking of taking not five, but ONE DAY's break. Thinking that I could rest when my challenge is over. I don't even link it to the whole spartan thing. It's not like I thought, "you know what? "No Retreat, No surrender" I should keep going". And I'm stuck in this crappy dilemma which is supposed to be a no brainer. 

I'm confused: Train and get hurt and fuck up my challenge? Or Rest and fuck up my challenge?  

Could I get your opinion on this? Really. It 's supposed to be clear to me but I'm even considering training today as well and I don't understand HOW I'm even permitting myself to think that way. I shouldn't even let you guys know about this but I figured, "honest and genuine documentation", I'll look back and have the true story and hopefully laugh it off. 

By the way, I dropped back the weight I gained 2.5kgs this week. See what good training and dieting does? That's why I'm being stubborn. I'm 91 now, I could go down to 87 by the end of the run... If I train.

I'm gonna stop typing. This post makes me sound like complete idiot.

Ayya "Haou" ayya ballout. ("no way for a Haou")

 

pffff.